Winter

I have officially decided that winter is NOT my thing.  I don't like it.  It's cold, and it makes me want to coop up and stay inside all day under my covers.  I much prefer spring.  I am not a big fan of really hot summers either.  I wish there was a place where it stayed around 72-75 all year.  That would be perfect.  Sorry, just a rant.  It is snowing here right now, and as I sit here on my couch watching it, it just makes me depressed.  Snow makes everything more complicated.  You don't want to go out because you have to spend forever cleaning off your car, and then you have to drive all slow, etc.  Just a hassle.  I know I am being frustrated, but I am frustrated at the moment.  I am anxious because I have a feeling of depression and that makes me anxious.  It makes me anxious that it will start an downward spiral that I won't be able to stop.  I don't really know what exactly triggered this one, I have some ideas, but don't know for sure.  I am really trying to fight it off, but it's not working out for me so well.  I stayed in bed until 11:30 AM today, until I got so fed up with myself I forced myself out.  It seems as though the new medication is not working as well as it was and that is terrifying. I don't know if I need a higher dosage, but I don't want to top out.  I know it is not my recent decisions that are triggering the depression, I am still very excited about going back to school and want to do it very badly.  I guess I just feel lonely in a way.  I crave attention that people can not give me.  Perhaps it is all in my head.  I don't know.  I don't know what I need.  I need something though, that I am not getting right now.  I've been crying a lot recently, not really knowing the motivation behind it, just being sad.  There is a hole inside me that needs to be filled with something, I don't know what yet, but something.  Perhaps this program I am starting in the summer will be the answer...I am not sure.