Thursday, December 24, 2009
Things are moving along. I can't believe Christmas is here already. I have gifts for my family....some things that I meant to give were not completed so I had to resort to back-up gifts, but all is ready. I feel at peace about Christmas this year. More at peace about this Christmas than I ever have in the past 8 years. I feel like I am letting this all go. Letting go of the ED, the crap I deal with. Maybe it's the meds, maybe it's something else...I don't know. I am 17 days binge purge free. My goal is to make it to New Years, and set a new goal from there. I am sad that Micky and I are not able to be together this Christmas, though. Sad about some other things but I don't feel like talking about that on here. I am not, however, letting it effect my food or other things. I would just like some things in my life to be different right now, but I am powerless to change them. The change has to come from elsewhere. That is very vague, but I am dealing. I am in the process of applying to EVMS for fall. I seriously doubt I will get in for next fall. I think I will have a much better chance for fall 2011. I don't know. I feel like my ED is going away but I am still mentally not at such a great place. My depression is still ever present. There are still many problems. I thought the world of recovery was supposed to be so wonderful??? Yeah....not so much.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Well. There is good stuff and bad stuff. Good stuff first, right? I made a good decision about my future. I am going back to school next semester. I am going to a local community college and taking 18 credits of Studio art over the spring and summer in order to hopefully get into a Master's program for Art Therapy at Eastern Virginia Medical School next Fall. I have made the decision that I want to be an art therapist. I feel very happy about this. I am excited about the classes. Excited to feel a direction in my life. I am taking Painting I, Fundamentals of Design I, and Drawing I. It is going to be a lot but, it is going to be good. I am cutting way back on work to like one shift a week, and leaving the possibility open to quitting if need be. So I am just hoping and praying that I get in. I need to have a back up, so I will be looking around for that.
And now on to the bad stuff. Well, I suppose it is not really all that bad yet, just weird. I have been feeling off lately. Today it came to a head. I feel dizzy, feel like my heart is fluttering, I am so tired. Just off. So I went to Patient First today. Some odd results. Had some blood tests run and an EKG, and a Chest X-ray. The EKG was completely normal, which is very good. In my blood test, lymphocytes were high, they have been high since last May, and have increased. My chest x-ray was most concerning. I had 2 spots on my lungs (In pic, on the left side one in the middle and one near the top). One of which the doc was almost positive was a calcification, which is basically nothing. But the other she was not sure of. She referred me to a Hematologist and a Pulmonary doc, which I have to call on Monday and make appointments with. The radiologist @ Patient first is going to review my Chest x-ray tonight, and make a final reading. Hopefully it will all be nothing and everything will be fine. Probably just have a virus or something. I will call the docs, however, and make appointments to make sure. I contacted my Psych, and he says he doesn't know what it all means either. Very confusing.
I am actually doing quite well with my ED, which makes me feel good because, I can rule that out as a possible factor in all of this. The depression is ever present, but not as severe as it was, I am more just tired than anything. Still working. Managing to push through.