Bad Days

Ugh.  I feel like something is not right.  For the past two months or so, I've been having days where I am so fatigued that I am having a really hard time shaking myself awake enough to get up and be a functioning person of society.  These "days" have become more and more frequent.  It's like I'm walking around in this fog all day, and I just can't shake it.  I have been doing a little bit of investigating, and I think it may be related to my blood pressure.  My went to the dentist on Tuesday, and my blood pressure was abnormally low, even for me, and I tend to run on the low side.  I think it may be contributing to the fatigue on the days I feel so down.  It's weird, though, because it only lasts for that day and then I usually can come out of it by the next day.  I don't know.  Even my Adderall doesn't help on those days.  As a result of feeling so fatigued, I also start to feel pretty depressed, and that is NOT good.  All those feelings of being worthless start to come flooding back.  Not to mention that I have been having horrible body image.  I e-mailed my doctor, but he wants to talk to me over the phone, and I have not been able to catch him yet.  I am hoping that we will be able to figure something out.  I bought a blood pressure monitor today, but I am a little leery of it after reading some of the reviews about the particular model I bought online.  The reviews online say it is not accurate....so I may be needing to buy a different model.  They are expensive!!  I went for the cheapest one I could find, and I guess that wasn't the best idea.  My pulse is abnormally high as well.  My doc thinks that my body may be compensating for the low BP by raising my pulse.....I don't know.  I am just hoping that it is not cardiac related at all.  It would really suck to find out that after all this time I actually have screwed up my heart, especially now that I am doing so much better with my ED.

Update time

Overall things have been going alright these past few weeks.  My new job has been keeping me fairly busy.  I've been working about 3-4 days per week, about 15-20 hours per week.  I like it a lot so far, and I feel like the people are all really nice.  I do the best job I can, and it seems to be good enough.  This past Saturday was a very long day for me, as I was scheduled to work 8 AM - 3 PM, which I worked, but then it turned out that the girl working the shift after me called off, and they couldn't find a single person to fill the shift!!  So they asked me if I would be willing to work some of it.  I was REALLY tired, but I felt horrible leaving just one girl there to attend to the entire store all by herself, so I agreed to work 5 PM - 9 PM as well.  Needless to say, it was a LONG day.  My feet were killing me by the time it was all over.

Not too much else is really all that new.  I have moved my appointments with my team down to once a month, which is a big step for me, and I am handling it okay.  It is actually kind of nice not to have to make that long drive so often.

I did see my psychiatrist a few weeks ago, and everything medication-wise is remaining the same for now.  Eventually, I would really like to come off of some of this stuff, to see if I really need some of it, but I think for now, my psychiatrist wants to be cautious, and just maintain me where I am.  I am having some weird symptoms that I think may me side effects of the meds, though.  I am starting to sleep a lot again, and I am not even on any sleep meds.  I am worried a bit about that.  Part of me worries that it is depression sneaking up on me, but I really don't think it is.  I am afraid that the Adderall is not working as well as it was, and the other meds are making me sleepy.  I don't know, though, because some nights, I can't sleep.

My current relationship is still going very well.  I am very much in love with him.  Honestly, it feels like we have known each other so much longer than just 4 months.  I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us.  Don't get me wrong, things haven't been PERFECT, we've had our moments.....but all in all, everything is working great.  Living together is going well, and overall we haven't gotten too annoyed by each other's company ;)  I have found that I don't hold back around him, and allow myself to say what I feel.  I don't let things bottle up and stew.  I think that's part of the reason I feel like things are going so well for both of us.  He is definitely not afraid to say what he things or how he feels, so I guess it makes me feel the same way.  It's so much better that way!!