Monday, March 29, 2010

What do you like about yourself?

What do you like about yourself?
So, I did this survey on Facebook this afternoon, and I came to this question, and I just stopped and stared. Why is it still so hard for me to answer this question? Why do I feel like I am somehow boasting or bragging or even just stupid if I answer this?? Why does nothing come to mind? Why is it that after all the work I have done…..I am sill…blank? I know there has to be SOMETHING I like!! And I don’t just mean about my looks, I mean about my personality, the way I act, etc. So here, on my blog, I am challenging myself to post 5 things that I like about myself. I am starting now @ 4:53 PM, let’s see how long it takes me.

1. I like how I write letters to other people and love on them in that manner. Whether it be through, e-mail, Facebook, actual letters or some other way, I like how I do that.

2. I like the person I am becoming. Using my voice more, speaking up more, giving recovery 100%. Doing things that I love.

3. I like my creativity. I like that I am an artsy person, and that I like to create things for people and for myself.

4. I like my stubbornness. In a way it has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past….but it has also helped me SO much. Once I fully set my mind to something….I fight hard to make it happen.

5. I like the love I have inside me for others, especially my family. I am not much of a grudge keeper, except against one individual, that I will not mention.

Well, It didn’t take me long at all!! It’s 5:07 PM, so that is 14 minutes! I am extremely surprised. My challenge now, is to anybody who takes the time to read this (and I thank you) is that you would do the same thing for yourself!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Panic Attack

Just got over a panic attack and I am waiting for my medication to kick in so I can doze off. Poor Micky. He takes things out on himself way too much. My dad made a comment last night and he took it WAY out of context and just really slammed himself. I feel terrible about it, considering it was MY dad. I hate to see him feel bad, because he doesn't deserve to feel bad. He has been through enough in his life. I just want to shake him and yell "STOP!" and make all of the thoughts in his mind go away. But I am helpless. It is times like these that make me realize how much he went through with me when I was in the depths of my Eating Disorder. It is painful for me to think how much I put him through. That is why I must continue.....must push forward. Not only for myself, but for everybody around me. I have caused them enough pain. It hurts so much to watch someone you love destroy themselves, and beat themselves up mentally. It hurts even more when you can't stop the thoughts, or even help at all. I will never be able to comprehend the love my family and Micky have for me. I don't understand it. But I accept it. I love them back......fiercely. They are my life. Okay, now my haze is kicking in. Just thought I would share what I learned this afternoon.

Friday, March 19, 2010

100 Days

Well, today is officially over, meaning I have now made it 100 days without Binging or Purging. It has been now since December 8th. I am so very proud. Micky and I went out to celebrate tonight by eating dinner out at a nice Italian restaurant. We actually got to eat out on the patio since it was so nice outside here today!! Spring is in the air!! I can't wait for it. I am TOTALLY enjoying my spring break to the fullest. I love being lazy :P It's what I do best! Poor little Spike went to the vet's office yesterday and got neutered, so I have been taking care of him today and keeping him company. He has slept most of the day, though. He has this awful cone around his head, he looks just pitiful. The vet said we have to keep it on him for a WEEK!!! Craziness. This weekend Micky and I are helping out at a track meet on Saturday. We help with the throwing events, marking them and judging and such. It's fun but very tiring. We help his old weight lifting coach out. Plus it's at my old college, and Micky's too, so we like to secretly root for them. I am feeling less tired lately than I have been. I was able to see my doctor last week about the tiredness I had been feeling and he made some adjustments, but I haven't actually put them into action maybe it was just that I was lacking sleep. I don't know, but I do need to get myself to the pharmacy in the near future. Micky told me something interesting about myself yesterday. Apparently I need to dress more my age. He told me that while he was waiting for me to come out of Target, he mistakenly started driving up to pick up a teenager who looked like me. So I need to "woman" up my "look". Whatever that means. So I shall be experimenting with that I suppose. It's hard though, because everybody tells me I look young. I don't really know how to fix that. I get carded regularly.....sometimes even at the movies!! Embarrassing!! It is especially embarrassing when people think that Micky and I are siblings, because he looks old for his age and I look people don't think we could possibly be dating. Here's a REALLY bad one, one time, when I was sick, and looked even younger, Micky got mistaken for my DAD!!! One of the most embarrassing moments of my life!! I don't think it helped that we were going to see a Disney movie. For those of you who don't know my age, I am actually 25. 26 in August. Edging closer and closer to 30 by the minute. Oh man, that's gonna be a scary day. Gotta stop thinking about that now, makes me depressed...just kidding....kinda :)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Update...again :)

Tired....That pretty much sums it all up. I have been increasingly tired since my last post. Don't know what it is, but I need to see my doc about it. Thank goodness for spring break next week. I don't even have to work....I am totally going to vegetate. Hibernate. Me and Spike. Bff's. I think the Movie Rental place is gonna hate me next week. I may as well go buy some of the movies....and some more pillows for the couch while I'm at it, and perhaps a few more chew toys for the dog to keep him occupied. Don't get me wrong, there will be some work involved, like, showering, using the remote, switching between movies and books, etc. Man am I on a trip. Na I won't really be that lazy. I couldn't stand being cooped up like that for more than a day. There will be a lot of sleeping involved though, if I don't get an appointment with my doctor soon. Not much is really going on. Art classes are going pretty well. I did a really good drawing today, I am not going to post it, though because it is a nude bust. We do not draw live nudes.....I think my head would pop off because I would turn so red. Spike is doing good. He is potty training. Still having some accidents, but doing well I think. We are learning quickly how much grooming a Maltese is going to require. At least 1 time a month, he will need a full grooming and we need to brush him daily. I am looking forward to tonight. Micky and I are going out to dinner for our "date night"....we have discovered a new restaurant we really like called "Kona Grill" they have Sushi there, which we both like and it is REALLY good. YUM!! Oh, and most importantly, I am still on track with .....drum roll please.....93 days today!! As a side note, please excuse the general psycho-ness of this update or spastic-ness. I am a bit out if it. :)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Rest In Peace

This is a picture of me, my cousin, and my sister from 3 years ago at Christmas with my sweet grandmother (MeeMaw) She passed away today. My main memories of her are from my childhood, as we used to live across the street from her, and eventually moved into her house, when she later moved into a nursing home. She was a brave, beautiful, strong woman in her time. She went through a lot in her life and I have much respect for her. I will never forget her sweet smile and kisses on the cheek. I love you meemaw, and I know you are at peace now in heaven.