Just got over a panic attack and I am waiting for my medication to kick in so I can doze off. Poor Micky. He takes things out on himself way too much. My dad made a comment last night and he took it WAY out of context and just really slammed himself. I feel terrible about it, considering it was MY dad. I hate to see him feel bad, because he doesn't deserve to feel bad. He has been through enough in his life. I just want to shake him and yell "STOP!" and make all of the thoughts in his mind go away. But I am helpless. It is times like these that make me realize how much he went through with me when I was in the depths of my Eating Disorder. It is painful for me to think how much I put him through. That is why I must continue.....must push forward. Not only for myself, but for everybody around me. I have caused them enough pain. It hurts so much to watch someone you love destroy themselves, and beat themselves up mentally. It hurts even more when you can't stop the thoughts, or even help at all. I will never be able to comprehend the love my family and Micky have for me. I don't understand it. But I accept it. I love them back......fiercely. They are my life. Okay, now my haze is kicking in. Just thought I would share what I learned this afternoon.
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