Not a good week

This week has not been a good one. I ended my streak of binging and purging. I had a 2 day period where I was in complete self-loathing and ended up doing it twice. I can't now guarantee I am quite back on track, but I have not had any behaviors yesterday or today. I feel a deep depression coming on me. Work is challenging, and I am starting to get that familiar feeling I seem to get with every job I work at after a month. That I hate it to death and I want to quit. But I know I can't. I have to keep at it. I can't be a quitter. The work is really not that bad. I am a little pissed that they scheduled me for 31 hours next week when I originally told them I wanted around 20, but whatever. I am just getting increasingly tired all the time and all I want to do is be in bed and sleep the day away. I don't want anybody bothering me. Micky is leaving for a trip with his brother this week and is going to be gone for 2 weeks. I am terrified. With nobody to keep me accountable, I am so scared of what is going to happen. I don't want my behaviors to run wild. I will have no communication with him whatsoever. He is my rock. At the same time, I want to prove to him that I can be okay alone. That I can succeed without him. So there is that added pressure. I want him to be able to have faith in me. To be able to trust me and depend on me. I feel like this is a huge test for me and I am so scared I am going to fail miserably. In order for us to get married one day, he is going to have to be able to know that I can be okay. The sooner I can show him that the better, in my book. I am in love with this man. I hope he loves me too.