Update

I feel like I need to update, although not much has really been going on in my life. I am working. Trying to keep up. Still no binging/purging. 42 days now. I have been working a lot on crafts for christmas. I really want to make my mom a quilt, I am going to try to make a rag quilt for her. Hopefully it will work out. I ordered my 2nd sewing machine this week. My first one never actually worked. I am starting early making gifts to get them all done in time.

**Trigger Warning**
As for how I am feeling emotionally, I just don't know. I am tired. Drained. I don't know if I am eating enough. I am slowly dropping weight, but I need to, so I don't know what to think. I am counting calories again. That is a bad thing. I used to do that when I was anorexic. Of course, I did a lot of other things too that I am not doing when I was anorexic, but still. It just brings back those feelings, and that mentality. It is hard to not obsess. I know I don't want to go back there, but I also know I need to loose weight, and I want it gong now. I hate my body right now. I feel so ugly and terrible about myself. My body image is so poor. I don't even want people touching me, even Micky, which hurts him, and makes me feel terrible. Ugh. I don't know. I want to get over this but it is so hard. I know I can't go back. I must forge ahead. I need to make progress. I need to just let go of all of this obsessing about food.