Friday, June 26, 2009

Update

Yesterday my aunt told me that the doctors told my uncle that they think he has lung cancer. They are going to do a biopsy, which is scheduled for next Thursday to be sure, but they are pretty sure it is cancer. My aunt was a mess. I had to hold her while she cried. I can not deal with all of this. It is overwhelming.

Somehow this week, though, I have managed to keep behaviors under control. I think because family has been around. I haven't been left alone at night, which is a very bad time for me. So it has been 6 days now with out any behaviors. Not great, but it's something.

I talked to my parents today and they are coming with me to therapy on July 7. I am extremely worried about it. I just hope that what I need to say comes across the way I want it to. My dad actually asked me today "She isn't going to be mean to us is she?" referring to my therapist. Don't know where that came from. Guess he didn't care to much for the last therapist I had in Richmond. So I know I have to be gentle with them.

My boyfriend is coming tomorrow to stay until Sunday, so I am excited about that. The weekend should be pretty good. I don't know what we'll do tomorrow, but I'm sure we'll find something fun to do. Next weekend we are going to a baseball game. The Washington Nationals vs. the Atlanta Braves. He is a HUGE Braves fan, so that should be fun too.

The job search is still going. I have applied for 5 jobs this week. 4 at the hospital and 1 at a pharmacy. I'd really like to get a job at the hospital, I think I would like it there. I just hope that I can find one where I can fit in going to Richmond once a week for appointments.

I am still having a hard time with my therapist leaving. Some days I feel better about it, some days I don't. Some days I still want to give up on therapy, some days I realize how much I still need a therapist. I know how much I need to call this new therapist and schedule an appointment, but I just can't make myself do it. It's like I don't like her already and I haven't even given her a chance. I just feel like she will never measure up. Ugh. My eyes are tearing up.

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