Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Why?

I don't know what I did wrong.  I feel like my psychiatrist is really pissed off with me.  I told him I wanted to stop my meds.  They aren't helping anymore and I feel like I need a break.  My thinking was that he would actually give me some kudos for telling him and not just doing it on my own.  noooooooo.  I mustered up the courage to tell him near the end of the appointment, and he pretty much just shortly told me what I could decrease and sent me out the door crying.  I barely made it to my car before I started sobbing.  I've always really liked him too, so it just really hurts my feelings.  Makes me WANT to now just stop everything and say screw it.  If he doesn't care, why should I?  I actually e-mailed him when I got home about it and he gave me this line about being "taken aback" because I told him at the end of the visit.  Whatever.  He has never been one to follow the strict rules and parameters of a 30 min appointment time, so I don't understand why he didn't take the extra 5 minutes with me to let me calm down.  He did start out the visit by telling me that he was getting shorted money though, because I had seen my therapist that day too so he would have to charge me for just a "medication visit", whatever that means, he will be shorted $10-15.  So I started off the damn appointment feeling guilty enough.  I guess that seeing him since 2005 means nothing to him.  I hate having to take crap off of people that are supposed to be helping me.  It shouldn't be like this.  This is stupid.  I don't know why I even care so much.

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