Better Days

I can't explain it, I don't understand it, but somehow......the past 5 days have been binge/purge free. I give a lot of credit to my group therapy session I had on Monday, and to my new therapist. A very sweet friend in my group helped talk me through some things, I can't explain it well, but it made me really think hard....hard about what I wanted for myself, about how hard I wanted to stop what I was doing. She gave me examples of what she did for some of her behaviors to stop them and honestly I was amazed by her will power and inventiveness. I was like "I can do that! I can beat this too!" I have done some pretty odd things this week not to binge/purge. I think I have probably done a zillion loads of laundry and cleaned a thousand dishes, but it has worked so far. It has given me some hope. My body image is still in the garbage, and I am still fighting the thoughts SOOOO hard.....I don't feel like I am there yet, but at least things are better. I am trying to manage some sort of meal plan, at least some kind of thing, but not doing so well at that. I need to get serious and get back on my assigned meal plan. I need to be back down in my weight range, I know if I do I will feel so much better about myself. My new therapist has been really encouraging....I am really starting to like her. My dietitian is encouraging as well, and I love her to death. Job stuff and family stuff is still hard. When I told my family how much I was struggling, they reacted very negatively. It was really hard on me. I still feel very directionless in my life, and feel like I don't know who I am at all......but I am at least starting to float again. I am hesitant to even say anything for fear that I will screw up within the next 24 hrs, but if I did 5 days.....dammit, I can do 5 more.