The days drag on

My days just seem to keep dragging along.  Still spending most of my time in my bed.  I have my Family meeting with my therapist next week, so we will see what comes of that.  I know that she is going to encourage my family to start trying to get me out of my room and more involved with them.  This is going to cause some major conflict.  I know it is all good for me, but I just feel so low right now, I just don't feel like doing anything.  I don't want to be around people.  I tire so quickly that doing things just wears me out.  I can't focus long enough to watch more than an hour or so of T.V. so spending time downstairs with my family that way doesn't work so well either.  My psychiatrist is not recommending inpatient depression treatment at this time.  I honestly don't know why, with how I am feeling, but he isin't.  He mentioned something about a clinical trial or something but I'm not really feeling that.  I don't feel like being a lab rat.  I just really have my doubts that things are going to get better for me.  People keep telling me that this is something I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life and it just makes me so angry.  I don't want to deal with this the rest of my life.  I don't think I can stand it.  If things don't get better, I seriously doubt I am going to be able to take classes in the spring or go to school in the fall.  I had a very terrifying thought the other day and it made me realize just how low I really am right now.  My dietitian was talking to me and she said something to the effect of "Well in 5 years from now...." and the only thing that I could think was......In 5 years from now, If I'm not better, I'm going to be dead.  It was a hard thought to think, but it was the first thing that popped into my head.  I just hope that things can get better, because I don't know how to get out of this huge hole I have dug for myself right now.