Nothing.

Nothing feels right in my life anymore.  I feel like giving up.....giving in.  Resigning myself to living a life by myself, alone, without friends.  An old cat lady, dying alone, by herself.  Not a person in the world caring, or even knowing who she was.  I am hating who I am, where I have been, what I am doing, everything right now.  Don't want to believe in anything, myself, God, etc.  I don't understand why I am how I am.  Why I have to be this way.  Life has to be better than this.  Sleeping all day is not living.  Realizing, once again, that you are sitting on the bathroom floor with your head in the toilet is not living.  Feeling like the man you think you are in love with could not give a shit is not living.  So what am I supposed to do about it?? I don't know.  I can't seem to help myself.  I get spurts of good, but it does not last.  I work with my tx team but nothing seems to make things fully go away.  I want to be happy, it just doesn't feel in the cards for me.  I need a change.  But change is so scary.