Pick yourself up.

Well, inevitably, it happened.  Last Monday, April 5, I purged.  I don't want to excuse the incident, however I was under a tremendous amount of stress and I am currently dealing with a bout of depression which just made it all worse.  I made it 118 days.  I am back on the horse, though.  I plan to make it another 118.  It seems as though Depression always likes to loom it's dark cloud over me during this time of year.  When spring is arriving, weather is getting better, things should be looking up....I go way down.  Sometimes I don't think people fully comprehend the debilitating effects of my depression.  I suppose depression shows itself in different ways in different people.  I am unable to do basically ANYTHING.  I cry, cry, and cry some more.  I sleep most of the day, but never feel rested.  I get headaches that make me sensitive to light and sound.  All I want to do is be alone.  I had another dark day today, and although I did not use any ED behaviors, slept mostly all day.  I have been up now since around 4:00 pm, trying to complete work and get some things done around the house.  I get stuck in my head when depression hits....I don't really necessarily think negative thoughts, or at least, I am not aware of it....it is more of a total body numbness.  I feel nothing.  I am blank.  I have had periods of seriously staring at a wall blankly for 30+min.  This is what makes me so nervous about Art Therapy school.  When these waves come during that time.....what will I do?  Will I make it?  I still have heard nothing from the school regarding whether or not I have been accepted.  I actually decided to e-mail them today about it, so we will see what comes of that.  I had to call in to work tonight because of the depression.  It makes me hurt inside that this will be my reality.  That depressive waves will always be a part of me.  I wish I could make them go away for good.