Tiredness....

I am sorry for the lack of posting.  Days are hard.  I feel very unworthy of anybody's time these days, and don't want to take up space.  I know this is not true, but a feeling is a feeling.  Things are not good...no matter how much of a happy face I put on, to try to trick people.  My parents seem to believe it.  I feel so so alone.  I am away from everyting.  I spend my days pretty much alone, except for the time I spend with my aunt, God bless her.  She tries her best to get me out of the house and take me places.  I don't feel able to get a job.  I am so tired all the time.  I can barely stay awake 6 hours and I need to take a nap.  My parents have their own lives and spend a lot of time with friends.  I just lay in my bed, wasting time.  Waiting on nothing.  Wasting my life away.  Nothing is fun anymore.  Everything that could be fun causes extreme anxiety.  The things I have to do each day just to live seem endless, and too much to bear.  Life is exhausting, and I am not even really living it.  Everyting is annoying as hell.  Yet at the same time I feel like I am apologizing for everyting.  I don't care anymore about what I look like or what I wear, because I feel like nobody cares.  My mind is either racing or moving so slow I can barely register what is happening.  Tears seem to fall, but I don't know why I am crying.  Life feels surreal.  I don't feel pain or joy, just numb....nothingness.  Blank space.