Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Not much new.

It has been a little while.  Nothing very much is new.  I had my MRI yesterday.  I won't know the results until I see my doctor on the 7th, though.  It seems that I am noticing a bit of a cycling to my symptoms.  I go through days where I have trouble sleeping and then I go through days where all I do is sleep.  I feel some energy some days and then I feel none.  It is very odd, and usually happens every 3-4 days.  I am trying to keep track of it to see if there is any kind of pattern to it, or any specific triggers.  My therapist has me using positive affirmations to help me.  I have always thought that positive affirmations were really dumb, and useless, but this time I am trying to keep an open mind.  She told me that even if I don't believe them, just to read through a list we created together of ones I can tolerate.  It actually does seem to shift my mindset some when I am feeling down.  I never EVER thought I would be one to say that.  Just simply saying to myself that "this too shall pass" seems comforting in times of emotional distress.  I don't know why, but it does.  I suppose it gives my mind something else to focus on.  I am still on track to get off of my medications.  I decrease again next week.  I am trying to prepare for feeling sluggish and low again by making lists of things I can do and such during the times I do feel a bit better.  I am hoping it helps.  ED-wise I did have a slip last week, but other than that I am doing well.  My weight is stable, and has been for a long while.  Although I may not like my weight, at least it is not changing.  I am a bit worried about coming off of one particular medication that may cause me to gain weight when I come off of it.  I am trying not to think about it, but it does make me nervous.  Coming off of the medication can rebound in making my appetite go up and making my weight go up.  So it is scary for me, considering my weight is already high for me.  I am going to talk to my psychiatrist about it before we start decreasing it to help prepare myself and see what he expects to happen.  Hopefully that will help decrease my fears.

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